Flap It Now: Things not to do

Advice for living a less cantankerous life:

Never, in a moment of weakness, buy a yacht you can’t afford. Ever.
Never name a woman's breasts Ida or refer to them as igloos.
Never name a man's breasts at all.
Never wish you were thinner - it’s just a waste of a wish that could be achieved through lifestyle changes.
Never resist buying a yacht if you can afford one – particularly a big one.
Never intimidate the elderly. They don’t really like it.
Never try to convince a blind person that no-one else can see either.
Never use expressions like “big up” or “tantilising tootsies”.
Never presume that words spelt similarly actually rhyme, like ‘blood’ and ‘good’. It leads to bad poetry.
Never eat anything green, unless it’s green.
Never bind people together with floss.
Never hold your breath for longer than you can hold your breath.

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