Not much is known about the works of nineteenth-century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche after his mental breakdown in 1889, however, new writings have been recovered in a journal thought to have been lost when his dorm was unexpectedly overrun by a stampede of wildebeest. In typical Nietzsche style, the new writings contradict each other and his many previously philosophised theories. Below lists a selection of some of the more notable excerpts from those discovered writings:
12 June “The Death of God, what was I thinking? It is clear to me now that God was in Margate on holiday. Morality is back, baby, morality is back!”
This self-criticism of his own ‘death of God’ theory was initially thought to be the ramblings of an incoherent madman, but on closer inspection were revealed simply as mad ramblings of an incoherent man. The journal entries that followed were just as engaging and eye-opening:
13 June “I have spent too much time and energy philosophising about nihilism. I just don’t care anymore.”
Although it’s hard to get too excited about this one it does demonstrate a certain ineptitude so desired in modern philosophy. Some very strange people see this entry as an early prediction of Lindsay Lohan’s fall from grace.
Nietzsche did not only use his journal to chronicle his philosophical ideas and ideologies. Some extremely personal entries give an interesting insight into his life life at the Institution for Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Gifted Children and Other Psychopaths (the IPSGCOP):
21 July (am) “I hate this place, all these guys are nuts!”
and:
21 July (pm) “This place is great, there are some real free thinkers here. Steve in the dorm down the hall called me a sandwich then slid the entire length of the corridor in his socks. My whole life I’ve wasted.”
It’s at this point that the journal entries change tone dramatically revealing a Nietzsche of unimaginable soporiphicism, such as this entry written using a clamshell on 15 March 1892.
15 March “16 March was a big day for me. After pondering the concept for many years I had finally proven Heine’s eternal recurrence theory. By chance I stumbled upon my exact double in the IPSGCOP’s kitchenette that thought not just the same thoughts as me but was able to predict every word and intonation I said verbatim and say them with me. Of course it seemed forehead-slappingly obvious when the doctor pointed out that my double was in fact my reflection in a particularly shiny saucepan. Still, I got more sense out of that saucepan than the guy who brings the drinks. Amor fati.”
Interestingly Nietzsche chose to write about the events of 16 March the day before they happened. It was exactly this indifference towards writing retrospectively about the future that made Friedrich the desire of every housewife from 1944 – 1946.
Upon the discovery of the journal Friedrich Nietzsche was asked to clarify some of his bizarre contradictions but declined to comment claiming to have died in 1900. A small group of journalists remain by his grave hoping for a scoop.
Naysayers have doubted the authenticity of the journal, but scientists are confident of its genuineness because it looks exactly the same as when you stain paper with tea to make it look old.
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