BREAKING NEWS
News Story Broken
9:15am – 5 August 2010
Tipped off by online news provider newnewsfaster.com, more than a hundred police officers converged on a suburban property in the city’s west shortly after 8:30am this morning. On arrival at the scene, officers questioned several journalists who had been camped outside the house for nearly an hour, many on their third flat white.
On condition of anonymity, one police officer confessed that authorities were yet to determine who the suspect is, or what crime may have been committed.
Anyone near the area is asked to contact newnewsfaster.com who will pass information on to police once published.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
News Story In Progress
Updated 9:23am – 5 August 2010
Police remain in attendance at the dramatic scene unfolding in the city’s west. The small weatherboard house in the normally quiet Family Lane has become the focus of the biggest story of the hour. House-owner and occupant John Pickle (pictured right) was on his way to work when the story broke.
“I was heading for the bus stop when I was stopped by ten or twenty journalists with cameras and microphones,” said Mr Pickle. “I answered some questions and missed my bus.”
Police have taken the well-bearded John Pickle in for additional questioning. Little is known about Mr Pickle at this stage as Wikipedia searches have proven inconclusive.
Police are expected to give a press conference at 9:30.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
News Story Confirmed
Updated 9:38am – 5 August 2010
The scene at Family Lane in the city’s west has intensified with much of the world’s media congregating on the lawns of the normally calm suburban street.
Moments ago Chief of Police, Manga Lionheart, gave a press conference officially confirming that a news story was in progress.
“As this is an ongoing investigation I am limited in what I can say. However, I can now confirm that this is a news story – a significant, and very real, news story,” the Police Chief said. “I’ve been informed that all networks and major publications are represented here today either by journalistic staff or contractors. The AAP is also present, as are members of the public with camera phones.”
But Chief Lionheart remained quietly optimistic and urged calm.
“I am quietly optimistic and urge calm,” Chief Lionheart said.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
Media Under Fire From Nazis
10:02am – 5 August 2010
A left-wing lobby group with ties to al-Qaeda, Hitler Youth, recent oil disasters, the republican movement, and clubbing baby seals has claimed the media has gone too far with a recent news story broken by newnewsfaster.com. The group, known as the Ramsgate Under 13 Cricket Club, has claimed the story was a media beat-up, without substance, and forged a new low in journalism. The group accused newnewsfaster.com of “inventing something out of nothing” which newnewsfaster.com CEO, Malcolm Elizabeth Blackshirt, both agreed with and denied.
17 year old Mr Blackshirt responded angrily to vitriolic questioning at a press-conference saying, “with, like, the 24 hour news cycle and the public demand for, like, instant news before-it-happens, no privacy, defamation legislation, dramatic music, alleged dramatisation, Lindsay Lohan, black-and-white, mysterious creature, on the run, vox-pop tarts, celebrity hair extension, we don’t always get things a hundred percent right. And when we don’t get things a hundred percent right we figure we may as well get them a hundred percent wrong. Our mantra was, is, and forever will be, ‘one hundred percent journalistic journalism’. That and ‘reach for the stars’.”
Despite being recorded on multiple recording devices, Mr Blackshirt denied having made this statement claiming that he was in bed with his porter at the time.
John Pickle remains in police custody for his role in the story.
More to come…
News Story Broken
9:15am – 5 August 2010
Tipped off by online news provider newnewsfaster.com, more than a hundred police officers converged on a suburban property in the city’s west shortly after 8:30am this morning. On arrival at the scene, officers questioned several journalists who had been camped outside the house for nearly an hour, many on their third flat white.
On condition of anonymity, one police officer confessed that authorities were yet to determine who the suspect is, or what crime may have been committed.
Anyone near the area is asked to contact newnewsfaster.com who will pass information on to police once published.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
News Story In Progress
Updated 9:23am – 5 August 2010Police remain in attendance at the dramatic scene unfolding in the city’s west. The small weatherboard house in the normally quiet Family Lane has become the focus of the biggest story of the hour. House-owner and occupant John Pickle (pictured right) was on his way to work when the story broke.
“I was heading for the bus stop when I was stopped by ten or twenty journalists with cameras and microphones,” said Mr Pickle. “I answered some questions and missed my bus.”
Police have taken the well-bearded John Pickle in for additional questioning. Little is known about Mr Pickle at this stage as Wikipedia searches have proven inconclusive.
Police are expected to give a press conference at 9:30.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
News Story Confirmed
Updated 9:38am – 5 August 2010
The scene at Family Lane in the city’s west has intensified with much of the world’s media congregating on the lawns of the normally calm suburban street.
Moments ago Chief of Police, Manga Lionheart, gave a press conference officially confirming that a news story was in progress.
“As this is an ongoing investigation I am limited in what I can say. However, I can now confirm that this is a news story – a significant, and very real, news story,” the Police Chief said. “I’ve been informed that all networks and major publications are represented here today either by journalistic staff or contractors. The AAP is also present, as are members of the public with camera phones.”
But Chief Lionheart remained quietly optimistic and urged calm.
“I am quietly optimistic and urge calm,” Chief Lionheart said.
More to come…
BREAKING NEWS
Media Under Fire From Nazis
10:02am – 5 August 2010
A left-wing lobby group with ties to al-Qaeda, Hitler Youth, recent oil disasters, the republican movement, and clubbing baby seals has claimed the media has gone too far with a recent news story broken by newnewsfaster.com. The group, known as the Ramsgate Under 13 Cricket Club, has claimed the story was a media beat-up, without substance, and forged a new low in journalism. The group accused newnewsfaster.com of “inventing something out of nothing” which newnewsfaster.com CEO, Malcolm Elizabeth Blackshirt, both agreed with and denied.
17 year old Mr Blackshirt responded angrily to vitriolic questioning at a press-conference saying, “with, like, the 24 hour news cycle and the public demand for, like, instant news before-it-happens, no privacy, defamation legislation, dramatic music, alleged dramatisation, Lindsay Lohan, black-and-white, mysterious creature, on the run, vox-pop tarts, celebrity hair extension, we don’t always get things a hundred percent right. And when we don’t get things a hundred percent right we figure we may as well get them a hundred percent wrong. Our mantra was, is, and forever will be, ‘one hundred percent journalistic journalism’. That and ‘reach for the stars’.”
Despite being recorded on multiple recording devices, Mr Blackshirt denied having made this statement claiming that he was in bed with his porter at the time.
John Pickle remains in police custody for his role in the story.
More to come…
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