Saving teh Planet with an Alternative Definite

It seems to me that we are going about this the wrong way.

There are so many people in the world mistyping the word “the” as “teh” that the good monkeys at autotype automatically correct it for you. Think of the number of times this word is mistyped per hour across the globe. I don’t know but I’m going to estimate: a gazillion. Every one of those gazillion (approximate) times people type ‘teh’ a little chip in their computer goes whirrrr and the ‘teh’ magically becomes ‘the’. Wow. Fabulous. Amazing. The future is now.

But unfortunately… the future is now. That means we don’t really have any trees left, and our baby seals are being clubbed to death, and the gulf of Mexico looks like chocolate pudding and smells a bit like the Queen. Our environment is dying/really quite sick.

The solution - Get rid of the automatic correction and adopt ‘teh’ as an alternative definite article. Obvious conundrum – ‘alternative’ and ‘definite’ kind of contradict each other. To the point that if alternative walked in on definite in the shower, existence would be sucked into a cataclysmic astrological quagmire and all that green tea I drank would be for nothing.

But think about it… if we accepted ‘teh’ in place of ‘the’ we could prevent the gazillion computers going whirr a gazillion times an hour, surely that must prevent some significant bagful of CO₂ entering the atmosphere.

Surely.

Now who’s with me?

Note – Number of times during the writing of this article where I wrote the word ‘teh’ only to have the computer automatically correct it to ‘the’ which I then had to change back to ‘teh’: eight (8)

Next week… buying a horse and calling it Stephan.

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