The question has recently been raised over the paranormal powers that Paul the Octopus may or may not possess when it comes to predicting the future – or at the very least the ability to pick the winner of important football matches. Some people have argued that he’s just a very hungry, very lucky eight tentacled beasty that has captured the attention of a soulless world yearning for something bigger than themselves. Others have argued that it’s not an octopus at all, just a small, energetic man who fell into an octopus suit and can’t get out.
All this is of course nonsense. The truth is simple. The octopus is psychic. Paul searched deep into his cephalopod cranium and saw the victors of each of those matches. It’s obvious. You can see it. I can see it. And Paul saw it years ago.
The pertinent unanswered question remaining is what now to do with Paul. Eat him? Put him in a zoo? Release him into the wild? All these numbingly boring suggestions have been put forward ad infinitum. “He’d taste good with chili and salt LOL!!!!” Of course he would – even sheet metal tastes good with chili and salt.
Once again, the answer is slapping us repeatedly in the face with its eight slimy slappers: We find an equally psychic creepy creature, dress them both up in superhero costumes and watch them fight.
Imagine this if you will: a large octopus called Paul, wearing a cape, fighting some weird cross-bred rhino/wolf creature with wings, wearing a skin tight muscle suit – both with above average psychic ability. I’ll give you a moment…
…
You’d watch that right? Then, after the fight, we could eat them both.
i like sheet metal
ReplyDelete